Radical acceptance 

During my time in treatment for my eating disorder, I was introduced to a type of therapy known as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, or DBT. DBT is a type of therapy that centers around the balance of acceptance and change. It can be helpful for those that experience their emotions in an intense way. Throughout this process of behavior modification, DBT aims to help an individual change unhelpful or harmful behaviors, while still choosing to accept themselves and who they are as a person. One of the major concepts taught in DBT is a skill known as radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is meant to help prevent suffering- The idea behind it is that painful events in life are inevitable, but suffering is optional. By refusing to accept our reality when a painful event happens, we cause ourselves further suffering. Just because we choose to accept the reality of the situation does not mean that we like the situation or agree with it. It also doesn’t mean that we have to stay stuck in our current situation, either. We are not choosing to live with it forever- we are simply choosing to accept it as our current circumstances.

When I first heard of radical acceptance, saying that I was highly skeptical of this skill would be the world’s biggest understatement. In fact, I think I actually rolled my eyes at the very idea of accepting anything that I saw as unsatisfactory. Each time going to group for DBT and learning new skills, radical acceptance was very hard for me. However, this is not true. It doesn’t mean that I have to embrace someone who has hurt me or that I have to just “look on the bright side” and find the good in my situation. Even if that reality is difficult and painful, or the complete opposite of what I want, I am merely accepting that it exists and that it is real.

As a perfectionist, I struggle with the idea of accepting anything that I see as less than ideal, or my absolute best. I tend to hold myself to a high standard and feel that I have failed if I do not live up to that particular standard. My initial thoughts after being introduced to this concept ranged from “Why would I accept anything less than perfection?” all the way to “Are these people absolutely out of their minds?!” However, as I began to put some trust in those who were giving me advice and began to open my mind to the idea of radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance is a process. We do not accept something once and then never struggle with negative thoughts or feelings about it again. There may be a situation, object, or relationship in our lives that we must wake up every single day and consciously choose to radically accept. We must remember to be gentle with ourselves during this process.